stripped

everybody has got something good to post about. for me, it's the lack of memories i have. i don't know myself, i think sometimes. it's like, as i progress, im many different personas, projected through one fat, overweight being. i have a fat ass. they call me fat. i can see fat everywhere. fat fat fat. no i don't love myself thanks.

everybody's got something to say when they first start college, when they're going through college, when college's about to end. but for me, i don't see anything. it's just disappointment. lingering. since childhood. i wouldn't say i had the best time of my life, everytime i said that, i probably lied. i don't know what good times are, and i'm too ignorant to even realise when someone's hinting something.

stupid, slow, call it whatever you want. i guess it's just me. every other person seems perfectly fine with the way they are. i guess it's insecurity. but towards what? like i said, i don't know what i am.

it's dodgy. and everything flashes by in an instant. i always strive to be good at something. in standard 5, midterm exam, i got 1st place in the class. or something like that. and then i started slacking. becoming what i am. a loser. a useless bugger who wastes his parents money. observers would say others deserve my chance.

it's always excuses that's coming from me. i have this thought that i can never succeed in anything. which always is backed up by evidence, proof. very concrete. no matter what one does, it has to be consistent in order for it to be recognised. i want to be known by my ability. even if it means having the pervertest mind. at least people know me.

then again. so what if people knew me. im like an asshole or something. i repel people. they don't come close. ever.

if only i could forget.