feeling bad?

everyone feels bad. seems like some sort of upsr grade essay. only less emo. and unrelated to your life.

back to the story. feeling bad. is part of my life. i feel bad everyday. i poke fun at the teacher and the other students poke fun at me. sarcastic fun. fun to them. not to me. i poke fun at people. they cant take it. they overreact. they cross certain lines. i keep quiet.

analogy analysis.
cashier and customer. customer yells at cashier when something is wrong. cashier keeps quiet. cashier is under pressure. pressure builds up. as we all know it. so, in this analogy, the customer is more of a reflexive person. who cannot manage anger. who is unforgiving. the cashier however. after one day of immense pressure build up, will eventually explode.

see the relation of it with me? i may burst out shouting profanities and shit. but its not who i really am. i may try to speak like something else. but do you really care about what i really am? do you care whether or not i do or not do anything that changes my life, in a positive or negative magnitude? would you be there when i need someone to hang on to?

i always tried without fail to impress any girl that i like. its like a small kid whose so obssessed with marbles, he practices so hard. trying to become the best. trying to impress his friends. his non supportive friends. his supportive friends. but at the end of the day, everyone needs an ass to kiss.

rejection. i don't feel existant anymore. would you care?