in relation to saying things that you didn't mean or should say, what makes us human would possibly be this fact, that we deceive ourselves or sometimes maybe even others at the expense of a relationship, or another's humility; could've been ours.

we are really not happy with what we have. which in reality, isn't enough. ever. the satisfaction we derive from an activity loses its initial flair after consecutive executions of said activity.

which at this point, i can derive that i don't understand or possess the ability to comprehend the main body of this post, which leads to an ambiguity of literature? i noticed that one is able to increase their seemingly attractive nature through an application of perceived intelligence by using words such as, supercali-huh?-docious.

you can mean everything to someone in awhile and nothing the next. it's just another phase.

although, i will always want to know what you wouldn't feel comfortable letting me know because that's the way things should be. i'd always be there but i cannot promise that i wouldn't leave because i have tried what i could and if you're gonna shut me out, i have other people who really need my reassurance.

if i were to write out a list of things that i wish i didn't say or should've said at an appropriate moment of time where we used to be talking on an aggresive frequency, i would if you'd want to know. if you knew the degree and extent i would go for you, it wouldn't change a thing, because you probably don't. if you did find out what i'm worth, you'd probably invest in something else.

the cruel fact of separation that arises after a moment of self-deceiving is no doubt, unavoidable, but regardless, is how things work genuinely.

on another note, this post is not meant for whoever you think you are because it's merely a compilation of words that had no meaning until i strung them together.

DIU DIU DIU DIU DIU DIU DIU DIU DIU DIU DIU DIU DIU
4 TIMES WEH. I RESPEK j00.
di sini lah kite mengenang kata2 org melayu yg berbunyi
"diam2 ubi berisi"
kerana ia memang begitu... walaupun kebanyakan kali org yg diam mmg tidak berguna.

from time to time, i do talk to people i have dated in the past. yalar, kinda sohai right? but what to do, make mistakes so you won't regret not making them, wondering the possible outcomes. anything's possible. so just by that principle, i've managed to emerge a less cynical person. :D

i'm sort of trying to figure out questions like, "was i a bad bf?" as we know, there's no right or wrong to anything we do, all that is needed is some justification. i guess it's part of getting over something for good in my case, letting go of something which should have been done with a long time ago.

anyways, things have been great; a lot less solemn, a lot less morbid. i'm in love with somebody who makes me feel the same way i feel about her. she makes me feel comfortable with myself and to some extent, forces me to be more expressive and public. hence, this post. albeit, my first somewhat happy post. ily <3

every other time, you'd be wishing this never happened.
but, you wouldn't understand it if it didn't.
and if it did, you wouldn't want it to happen.
so why do events really take place?

an update.
i have relived betrayal yet again.
karma works in various ways.
if you outgrow a friend, another friend outgrows you.
flings and tests. its trivial, but not mandatory to score.
will you ever hear me out anymore?
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indecisiveness and ignorance was your forte.
mine was my commitment. i thought it end differently, but i couldn't let go of the past.
for now, i am its victim.
tomorrow, i am no longer.